Some would say that I'm a bit of of bitch but I don't care, I am entitled.
For all my beauty and charm, I am the perfect dog. They! think I belong to them! but I am my own dog. Actually they! belong to me and that's all I have to say about that.
... half my teeth are gone?... who told you that? and you think my eyes are crossed? I see both of you! just fine, thank you!
Why do you move your mouth like that? Is that like wagging the tail? Strange people! . (never understood that)
I don't like wet... wet grass, wet pavement, wet stairs, baths. Eiuuuu! My feet are very, how shall I put this... you know, me. I can't have wet feet now can I? just isn't proper. Do you like soakers from the front hall? And please, don't get me started about today's snow. It balls up in my fur, then I'm wet for hours. Honestly, how can any self respecting dog pee in that horrid stuff! I'll hold thanks.
I don't like my kibble. It's terrible you know. I can taste the melamine. It's in everything you know? I'd much rather have what you're having. Sometime, they! try to fool me by putting a bit of their! food in with mine. It makes it barely palatable. Sometime they! switch sorts and try to fool me some more. But I'm too smart for that. Hand feed me, please. or I'll eat really quick without chewing, then up-chuck the whole thing on the upstairs bathroom floor. You wouldn't want me to use my bowl for that would you? Eiuuu!
I hate the leash and my collar. Ouff, pulling me this way and that, how utterly rude. I do like running naked in the new cemetery though and hiding behind the big standing rocks
And you best mind me when I stare at you! during dinner. I will will you! to drop something from your! plate.
I don't talk much. such a waste of energy. ( I only think a lot) The only time that speaking is worthwhile is for yelling at cats, which are such a waste of fur, don't you think?
Is that lap free? Good cause it's mine now. Oh, come on now, no outfit is complete without dog hair! Let me hug you. Moa, moa!
I'm done now. Wake me up at ten for my pee before bed. You can go now.